Aiming Too High

What Happens When a Coach Shrinks Your Dream

One of the saddest things I hear from athletes and see from the sidelines isn’t about the loss of a match or a cut from a team. Don’t get me wrong, those things hurt deeply. But this is different, because it doesn’t just throw off a season. It throws off an inner belief that defines everything.

It’s about a coach who eroded their confidence.

It’s about a moment where the person they looked to for growth, structure, and belief, became the voice in their head telling them they weren’t good enough. That they were aiming too high.

Because when a coach says “you’re not ready,” that voice often doesn’t fade. It gets louder. It becomes the loop running on repeat during hard practices, tight games, and lonely moments. The voice that says:

“You can’t.”
“Why are you even trying?”

That voice shouldn't be the one in charge. That voice should shrink—NOT THE DREAM

The Long Term Damage

When a coach tells an athlete they’re aiming too high, it doesn’t just hurt in that moment or the weeks after. It rewires something.

Dreams don’t always disappear all at once. They can shrink slowly and quietly. Pulled in at the edges by self-doubt, fear, and the memory of someone in power saying “not you.”

And it shows up in ways people don’t always notice:

  • The athlete who stops volunteering for big moments.

  • The one who plays “safe” instead of smart.

  • The one who stops setting big goals, not because they don’t care, but because they’re afraid to care that much again.

When athletes internalize doubt, it creates a kind of nervous system static. They stop trusting their instincts. They hesitate more. Overthink more. Try to prove instead of play.

They might still show up, but they stop showing themselves. Over time, this becomes more than just a slump. It becomes an identity pattern:

“I’m not one of those athletes. I’m just trying not to mess up.”

This is why belief isn’t optional. It’s foundational.

Words from a coach aren’t just feedback. They can become the athlete’s inner script. And unless that script gets rewritten, it will influence every rep, every risk, every game. Athletes often don’t need a better skill first. They need to believe they’re allowed to want more again.

What To Do If This Happened to You

If someone’s words got into your head and wrecked your confidence, you’re not broken, you’re not imagining, you’re not overreacting, AND you’re not alone.

Here’s what you can do to start untangling from that voice—and reclaim the one that belongs to you.

  1. Call It What It Was. Say it out loud or write it down: “A coach said something that made me shrink. I believed it. But I don’t have to keep believing it.” This isn’t about blame. It’s about ownership. You get to decide what gets to live in your head. And what doesn’t.

  2. Reset the Story. Use tools that work with the nervous system. Try a tapping routine. If you want the detailed instructions just email me and I’ll send them over to you (leigh@vibeenergetics.com)

    Tapping Prompt (EFT-style):

“Even though they told me I was aiming too high, I’m open to seeing that dream again with new eyes.
Even though their voice got stuck in my head, I’m learning how to hear my own louder.
Even though part of me still hesitates, I honor the version of me who believed in something big. And I choose to believe again.”

3. Reconnect to the Dream. Get back to your “why.” Ask yourself:

  • Why did I want this in the first place?

  • What do I love about this sport when no one’s watching?

  • What would I aim for if no one was judging me?

That dream deserves airtime again because it still lights something up in you.

4. Surround Yourself with Belief Builders. Find people who see your effort, your growth, your grit, and reflect that back to you. Sometimes that’s a teammate. Sometimes a trainer, a mentor, a parent. Sometimes it's a sentence from a book that reminds you who you are.

Hold onto those voices. They matter.

How to Show Up Without the Baggage

When a coach’s voice gets stuck in your head, it’s like dragging a weight behind you that no one else can see, but it’s in every step, every play, every choice.

And it’s not just emotional. It’s energetic. That moment (the tone, the look, the drop in your gut, the words) gets stored in your body.

So how do you show up without carrying it?

You don’t push harder. You clear it out.

  • Before every session or game, take 30 seconds:

    “Anything that’s not mine, I set it down. Any voice that isn’t here to build me, I release it. This is my moment. And I choose to play free.”

    Pair this with a physical anchor:

    • Shake out your arms

    • Drop your shoulders

    • Feel your feet

    • Breathe down into your belly

    Let your body feel the shift. That’s where trust starts again.

  • Think of this like your internal locker room. A vibe you return to no matter what others say. Maybe it’s music, a mantra, a breath pattern, a memory that lights you up.

    This frequency should feel like you, before anyone told you who to be.

    You don’t need to wait for someone else to give you permission to play like you belong.

  • You get to rewrite the story every time you step onto the field. You don’t owe your game to the person who doubted you. You owe it to the part of you that still believes. That shows up. That tries again. That refuses to shrink.

    That version of you? That’s the one who deserves the mic.

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